Log:What We Made
It's funny sometimes, the way life and matters of death and beyond work out. Right now, the young brunette that was once Eilis McTavish is en route from the parlor to the hallway of doors. The noise of the television trails her and she's half-dragging, half-dancing herself along the hallway to Love is a Battlefield, a hybrid of things she's picked up from the screen and elegant slow spins to watch the coral high-waisted chiffon skirt she's wearing flare out. It seems to be a comfort to her, that pretty motion, a distraction to cling to as she wanders along with no haste.
All of the edgy frontier fashion she made and was known for, it translates here into designer chic. That pretty skirt that flares brightly with color is paired with a bust-enhancing black camisole with straps falling on her shoulders with the motion of dance, shoes a silver strappy set of accenting designer heels. And despite the obvious cloud over her head, she's ridiculously vibrant, a piece of runway modern beauty, once more dark hair in glossy motion with her, subtle cosmetics playing up her fine features and drawing out her eyes.
Those eyes don't see what she knows as Pierce yet. She's not really looking. She's turning her quiet pain into something pretty. And around her neck, unmatching the attire is a silver cross on a leather cord.
One of the many doors in this hallway of wonders or nightmares slowly opens up and it is one that has yet to open since the Prosperity experience has ended. On the door is a symbol of a lone warrior with sword and shield, a huddled group behind him and wolves closing in. Though the door may not be familiar to Eilis, the person that is now stepping out may be. It is Pierce, or at least that is the name he wore in the latest incarnation. However, the man that is here now has some differences, some rather visibly different. While Pierce was more rugged and rough around the edges, the Defender is much more clean cut.
The Defender is wearing his Facility usual which is a buttoned up white collared shirt, black slacks, black shoes, a very professional attire. He is also rather clean shaven and looks a couple of years younger than Pierce did in Prosperity. Shutting the door behind him, he turns to head towards the main parlor and perhaps the dispensary beyond but his steps suddenly comes to a dead stop.
The familiar image of Eilis, even more beautiful now, captures the Defender's attention fully. A smile begins to appear on his lips before it turns, the warmth that was filling suddenly turning cold as a question quickly surfaces in his mind. She can't be here, she shouldn't be here, why? "Eilis?" He finds himself asking, it was a question he was supposed to ask himself but by mistake, it slips out.
The brunette stops mid-spin, the motion of her skirt slow to follow behind. It doesn't matter how quiet the name spoken is, what was Eilis feels it as much as she hears it, or maybe she senses it, senses -him- standing right there in the hallway not far ahead of her. How many times in her memories had she wished to hear it again? How many times had she begged him to just say it in her snapshot memories of the way things turned out? How many times since waking up alone has she needed it again in her very bones?
Her eyes lift to regard the man that's different here, but still so very the same, hale and healthy and handsome. All buttoned up. All together. Her lover, her husband, the father of her children she grew and knew. She had been warned. She had a lot of things she also planned to say to Pierce Colton once the afterlife took them to where they were due at their different times, things she didn't have the heart to say while he languished. Her posture changes, skittish and drawn up with sudden fear and a likewise flush of combined lust and fury to see him standing there, beautiful to her as a dream. It's overwhelming. She looks to the left, then the right, then behind herself with another spin of slow motion, as if looking for something to throw or affirm she's not the only one seeing him, perhaps. And when she finishes that turn to look at him again? She fucking faints.
The way that the Caregiver recognizes his voice is proof to him that she is who she is, but even then, the Defender is rooted where he stands still. That is until she finishes looking about the hallway and back him, then faints. That stirs he who use to be Pierce into action, either out of instinct or just reflex when seeing her start falling. He catches her at the very last second before her body hits the floor, arms slipping under her just inches off of the ground. He had to slide onto his knees just to reach that low but when he makes it, he holds her there for a moment with a worried look, "Eilis?" He asks again, not to make sure that it is indeed her but as if to ask her to wake, to open her eyes.
She'd been holding her breath. She held her breath so long in that state of overwhelm and even after fainting, it stole every ounce of everything she intended to do or say. He's no longer her cowboy and she's no longer his iron-spined little frontier doll, not in this play. But some things are just so familiar, and when he says her name again, she starts to breathe anew and rouse from her little anxiety fit, his once wife accusing even before her eyes flutter with opening, "... you smell different."
Once her mascara darkened lashes are open to look up at the man where he's caught her, she lifts a hand to touch familiar with press at his jaw, studying his face with little else to say. Her eyes say it all. She's both relieved and terrified by him looking the same and different all at once. Then in the barest voice, she wonders, "Are we strangers now?"
When she starts breathing and opens her eyes, the Defender lets out a sigh of relief though her first words to him has him shaking his head in both amusement and disbelief. "I took a shower... something the ranch didn't have back then." Since Eilis was so close to Pierce in this most recent encounter, the feelings and emotions are still there. Prosperity... was something completely different for the Defender. The others did not have such attachments nor deep emotions connected like this past experience had. When the Caregiver reaches up with her hand to his jaw, he presses into it, as if finding himself missing that touch, even if for him it was only seven or so days. Those days, however, felt like a hellish eternity. Her question though, has him shaking his head, "No." A pause before he adds, "Never." Then his brows furrow up in concern and a touch for sadness before he looks down, shaking his head again, "I'm so sorry... Eilis, for what I did." What he is apologizing for, even if he doesn't say it, is obvious.
Her hand curls at what she knows as Pierce's jaw, this woman laid out in his arms while he kneels on the floor with her, in absolutely no hurry to fully rouse herself or move beyond that touch. "We won. You and me. There wasn't a happy ending. It was hard. I died. But we won. There... was two of them. We set them free. I--" She shudders and suddenly curls into his body with reflex grabbing of her other arm to pull herself up some with the solid lines of his neck and shoulders, clinging with exhaled relief and confessing, "Oh god. Oh -god-. I was so mad at you. We promised... we promised. I never saw it coming. But you don't know how much you saved." She's not even crying, she's so feeling with that sentiment, jaw trembling hard with more overwhelm, this time with relief instead of fear once he's spoken his 'never' to her question.
He may have heard everything else but the concern on the Defender's face doesn't leave, especially when the Caregiver slips in that she died, his arms around her tightening for a brief moment, "What do you mean you died? We kept you away..." Even though, as she said that they promised. "I'm sorry Eilis, I had to. Because if I saw you there when the Champion was being named... I don't know if I would have had the strength to stop my cousin. To stop Caleb." A breath is released as the Defender explains what he was experiencing, "It was a horrible six days, Eilis... but seeing you alive, and my family, it was enough. But you said you died, did the others demon come after you?"
"Oh. You couldn't..." There's a sudden flinch on once-Eilis' features with realization of just how limited Pierce was in his state. These things, these fuzzy pieces of after, they're enough to know how much conversation and life he missed around him, carefully construed pieces of care and hope for her own sake as she grew and he withered. Gradually, she drifts her head in shake lifting her chin to catch his lips for speaking against as if seeking to balm the next part with better explanation, "No, darling. I died having our boys. I barely remember them. I didn't last long after. If I think really hard, sometimes I can catch a memory of the way their heads smelled when they were washed and placed on me." She doesn't seem distressed. She seems proud, "I know they were alright. With family and love. They were our boat. Our future. Our next sunrise together. It was always meant to be that. I wasn't strong enough for two of them. Maybe not even one of them after what the demons did me. But I gave them -everything- that was left, you see. You gave them safety, I gave them health and heart to fly with. We did that. You and me."
Hearing that, it clears things up for the Defender and once more he relaxes, the concern slowly drifting away and there seems to be a bit of pride from him when she lets him know that she gave birth to twin boys. When the Caregiver explains how it's hard to remember, he can only nod his head, "Those memories, those wonderful memories you have will be like dreams, slowly fading. But... what we had, in Prosperity, that will remain with us, Eilis." When she speaks of the ship that was their future, the Defender can't help but smile as he shakes his head, "You know... I just read that picture book you made for me, before I stepped out of my room. I guess the boat didn't take us to Europe, but brought us here instead." And there is that stark reminder of the Facility, "I'm sorry Eilis, that you somehow ended up being stuck here. What this place is, no one knows. It's a bit too cool to be Hell though."
"I thought it was ghosts at first. Ghosts and demons. I thought I was still broken and seeing and hearing things. I... couldn't do it again. I couldn't. I hid. Eilis had... roots that ran so deep. I don't always feel like Eilis now. I woke up alone. Nothing thriving inside me. I was never alone in the dream. You were always there with me, even if you don't remember. I--" The woman stops and puts her face alongside Defender's neck, the man so aptly suited to the term, then drags her cheek up alongside his with nuzzle that drinks him in, explaining in a small voice, "Jody caught me, once, while I was slipped out. He told me you had other lives. That it wasn't real. That this was what we kept as real. I thought... if you... when we... that I... I thought we were dead all over again. In the most horrible way imaginable. That there was no you and me."
Hearing how scared she was, how overwhelmed the Caregiver was when she first awoke here, the Defender can't help but draw her into a tighter embrace, as if to try reassure her that he is real, and that she isn't alone. "Whether he is right or wrong, no one knows. No one knows for sure what is happening, where we are, and why it is happening to us. The only thing that we can rely on? Is ourselves, our own minds and thoughts, what /we/ believe is real." Slowly, he loosens his hold on her and begins to help her stand unless she chooses to pull him back down, "I may have had other... lives, but Prosperity was as real to me as my other experiences. In some way it was more real, because of the bonds that were forged in that damned town."
Caregiver doesn't let that hold loosen, not entirely. Eilis wants Pierce. They may not be exactly that right now, but seeing and feeling him hale and healthy with tight arms and assurances, it tricks her. And her impulse control is utter shit despite the context. She bats everything away for the now and just as he's starting to loosen to make space for them to stand on their own, she lunges, his more solid frame probably being the only thing that keeps him from being floored with the passion of it.
Her hands slip with rough nail rake along the man's sides as her lips and body slam against his, immediately a hundred percent lust with her lips parted and teeth ready to bite with pent up aggression. Lustful aggression. Pent up anger. Bottled relief. It all comes out at once. She smells different too, but somehow it's still kind of the same-- whatever wash she used still has lavender in it and her perfume or lotion is honeyed.
The intensity that the Caregiver unleashes upon him has the Defender off-guard as he manages to get on his feet, only to have her nearly tackle him. He may have stumbled a step but there is the wall of the hallway bracing him. Her body and lips is a firm reminder of what they had, and soon those memories come flooding back. For now, any more words that he may have had wanted to say have been sealed away. The Caregiver is definitely more aggressive than what he remembered of Eilis, but he says nothing, nor does he stop her.
"Fuck me. Fall apart with me. Put us back together. I missed you so much. So fucking much." There's not an ounce of shyness, there's just heat and desperation there, right in the middle of the hallway without the filter of the frontier lady she once knew how to be. The brunette smashed against what she knows as her husband there in Defender is a tempest to fight off or sate, her whispers raw and lewd and shamelessly poetic impulse, pieces of Eilis and something deeper. She remembers months of longing somewhere. And more clearly, she remembers what it's like with the heat of their bodies shutting everything else out in the face of a whole lot of awful. Her hands on his sides yank him with turn to pin her own body to the wall, mouth unrelenting through the request, leg lifting for hitch and a threaten to scale him there on the spot.
For a moment, the Defender is taken along with the passion and heat of the moment that the Caregiver is tangling him with. She is definitely not as proper as she was in Prosperity, while it seems like he is the opposite, a bit more subdued here in the Facility. Turned around, he can't help but press the young woman he knew as Eilis against the wall, pinning her as she urges while leaning in to kiss her again. Before he can become fully intoxicated with her though, there is a brief sense of clarity that pulls him back to the present, "Eilis... wait. This is the hallway." Almost spoken as if he is warning her that they are in the hallway of some posh, famous hotel where someone could easily come out of one of the numerous doors.
"Then make things -not- the hallway, cowboy. Otherwise everyone's about to see our reunion. You have no idea what those months were like... I..." The brunette finally stops attacking the Defender with vague shame all over her features almost the second fight starts to rise with his protest. The sentiment keeps her skin hot even after his hesitation starts to backpedal her lust with second guesses. Her arms up around him freeze. Her hitching leg at his outer thigh drops. Then she sags there against the wall between the hard surface and his solid press, lashes dropped, deflated into apologies, "... I'm sorry. You were suffering too. You're not entirely... I'm sorry."
That demand from the Caregiver brings forth yet more memories of Prosperity and the life he had with her, or was supposed to have with her, which only brings a small smile to Pierce's face. Then when she begins to lose some of her fervor, drawing back, he can't help but laugh lightly while shaking his head, "There is no need to apologize, Eilis. Your suffering, I am sure, cannot have compared to mine. Mine was six days, yours was... many, many months." Many months with an empty shell of him, a constant reminder of what she lost, at his side. "I am not disappearing anywhere now," As there is nowhere for him to go, "My room is a couple of doors down, Eilis, if you want. I have water in there, and there we can talk, I can answer questions, you can tell me... what I missed." A pause before he leans in and offers a gentle kiss, only briefly, "Or show me what I missed."
"Okay. We... can talk. Instead of..." A switch flipped and flipped again. Caregiver isn't as certain as Eilis McTavish. She knows what she wants and wants what she wants with the same fire, sure, but deep down, she's still scared where Eilis wasn't afraid of a damn thing once she had forward motion in place. Her face tips back up to catch the gentle kiss, slow and careful, as if afraid the dam is going to break again. Then nodding a couple of times, she slips her hand over into his, "Please don't leave me again. I didn't know. I didn't get to say goodbye. Not either time." Not when he left that last time. Not when she died. She knows there's no promises. But the voice comes out small and broken and begging for assurance while she's left off-kilter between what she was, what she is, and what they now have with everything turned upside down.