Log:Today can be Someday
Once upon a time there was discussion of a theater that Bravo would run through lines from Merchant of Venice at. All very normal, right.
Bravo has turned up at Penny's door, invited her out, and then walked through one of those magic doors into the backstage of an old London theater. The details are spot on, the wood creaks, there is even a smell to it that is hard to describe. One of the curtains that is used to block off the parts of the stage is pulled aside, and Bravo gestures Penny through, "You go find a seat, and I'll be right back."
Penny is quick to come along. Just a quick stop at the dispensary for a chocolate milkshake, the tall glass now in her hand as she moves through that opening in the curtains, looking around at the stage. "Wow, I would never have thought of something like this, I admit." She says, then flashes a brief smile over her shoulder. "Okay! You're really taking this very seriously." The smile grows into a grin and she hurries down, settling herself into a front row seat and then sucking on the straw in her drink. A soft little 'ahh' escapes her as she makes herself comfortable, one leg crossing over the other, peering up at the stage!
"It's serious business!" Bravo points out, then she releases the curtain to let it fall closed.
There is a good ten minutes where she's gone, but Penny can hear that she is still back stage somewhere. When she finally reappears she has changed clothes, entering in a flowy white shirt, her blonde hair tucked up beneath a little hat, and a pair of red tights. She enters from the right, steps exaggerated, moving towards the center stage before she turns towards Penny, sweeping her a dramatic bow. It's somewhat fourth wall breaking, but whatever.
Then, she launches into the first scene of Act I, working through each of the parts herself, and moving position each time she switches roles. It's very dramatic, and over-acted to a small degree.
"Well, I guess that's true," Penny murmurs to herself mostly as the curtain falls closed, settling in and leaning back, taking those occasional drinks from her milkshake as she waits. Ten minutes isn't terribly long, but it is long enough for her mind to wander a little, marveling at the stage and how real it all seems to be. With the Noc, it was different from her, drawn from her own memory. This is something else entirely.
Once the curtain swings open her gaze swings to Bravo there on the stage, tilting her head slightly as the woman switches roles and does all the lines. It may be a touch hard to follow as more characters are introduced, but she can't help but enjoy it all the same! At the end of that first scene, there's even a slight applause from her, setting that milkshake aside. It's a light little thing!
It is all really awkward, and confusing, since she hasn't figured out how to change costumes each role. But at least she manages to nail every one of the lines.
With another bow she moves towards the edge of the stage, hopping down, "After that it just gets a lot more sketchy...I haven't memorized more than that yet." She wanders over to a seat next to Penny, dropping down into it with a sigh, "How are you doing?" She wonders, switching topics hard and sudden.
Once again with that milkshake in hand, Penny gives that vacant sort of smile as she is joined by Bravo. "It seems like a lot for just one person to memorize," she comments, gesturing to the stage. "And maybe if you used ... I don't know, masks or something? Then you could show each character a bit differently, might make it easier?" That would be a lot of masks though, and she frowns a little and then gives a slight roll of her shoulders in a shrug. "I don't know, I'm no actress!"
At the question, she just gives a slight bob of her head. "I'm fine, like always. Perhaps getting a little bit ... bored and restless. Which is the first time I might have felt like that, while here in this place."
"Masks are a pretty good idea." Bravo replies, slouching down in her seat, legs crossing as she glances back towards the stage. There is a little time spent pondering that, running through it all in her mind before she offers, "Might just look for others to do the play, too. If we're really wanting an actual production of it. But.." She shrugs her shoulders, smiling very faintly. "It's really just something to do right now."
Which brings her back to the subject of restlessness. "Are you always fine?" She wonders, glancing back at Penny before she smiles apologetically. "Right, though. Restless. I can see that...not much to do here but the same things over and over again I imagine."
"Exactly. Something to do right now." She shakes her head slightly, and Penny glances across at Bravo, brows arching, though the smile remains. "You know, I am fine. I spent some time figuring myself out after the latest set of memories, and I'm probably better than ever. Some things are still strange, I still miss some of the people who aren't here anymore, but ... on the whole? Things are okay. That might even be the problem that leads to the boredom. There's heaps of books to read but I can't entertain myself by reading all the time. So it just becomes coming out and talking to people but after a while -- conversations go in circles about where we are and why and how it all works." She huffs a slight sigh there. "I start to appreciate why people want to leave more. But at least I get to make new friends, with you and some of the other new people around."
"Yeah." Bravo replies thoughtfully, twisting around a bit so that she can better face Penny, "I'm sure the conversations that I'm having just for the first time you've had a few times. I get the impression that C has at least covered a lot of the same ground before...as well as some of the others. Like the ones that this isn't their first time back, maybe?" There is a bit of a speculative look, then she just laughs, shaking her head, "If I start to re-tread the same ground, you've got my full permission to just tell me to stop. I really don't mean to, and I really...really don't want to be boring. But..." she reaches a hand over, the tip of one finger lightly touching Penny's arm before falling away, "What'd you figure out, though? About yourself."
Staring straight ahead for the moment, the Penitent nods. She's not really looking at anything in particular. "Even the first time through this place, there were a lot of repeated conversations. People came in at different times, you know? Technically I was the first one here that we know of, though not for long. Long enough that I started to worry if I honestly all on my own, though. I think that was more terrifying than anything else. But, we ended up having the same conversation everytime new people showed up from the Island."
She looks over at that touch, glancing to her arm and then at the woman herself. "I'll tell you to stop if you become repetitive. And I don't know, just a better way to handle the guilt I feel rather than be terrified from it or run from it. And that it's nice to get to know people that I don't have any ... ideas about. From memories of other lives, I mean."
The last comment causes a smile, "Oh, yeah...I can agree that it's nice to get to know people that you don't have any ideas about." Bravo turns herself back around so that she can look back towards the stage. "But I might just be saying that because I'm doing nothing but getting to know people I don't have preconceived ideas about."
There is a breath taken, then let out before she laughs, "Well, anyways. It's good that you're figuring out better ways to deal with the guilt. Even if I think you shouldn't feel guilty about anything anyways, but...I guess that I'm starting to learn that those feelings? Whatever they are...you can't always control them."
"You're the only person I've gotten to know even a little that I don't have mixed memories about. I'm glad." Penny says quietly, nodding her head. "The other new people, I haven't really gotten to know half as well. It's like, uh, 'C', said. About getting to just be your own person without those memories making you think you're someone else, influencing who you are. That sounds nice, to me, but I can at least experience it ... sort of vicariously. I'm rambling a little now," she gives a soft little nervous laugh and shakes her head.
"I can't always control them, no. And most everyone tells me there's nothing I need to feel guilty about, but ..." she trails off a moment, shrugging after a bit of thought. "Maybe they're right, but it doesn't change anything. Like I said, it's fine. I've figured out how to handle it. Sort of."
"Am I?" Bravo looks a little surprised by that, then she smiles slowly before she shrugs, "Well, I guess if you're going to just pick one of us to get to know, then picking me was the best choice." She flips her hair from her shoulder, or at least makes the motion, her hair still being tucked up beneath he cap on her head.
However, a little more seriousness settles in after a moment, "I can't control them." She offers, glancing over, the smile slipping a bit, "I'm pretty sure that 'm feeling things I don't even know how to name yet, too. But I guess...as kids we do that, too?" She isn't quite as certain about that. "Do I make you nervous?"
"Well, it just kind of happened that you were there when we went to the 'burner." Penny admits with a shrug of her shoulders, offering a smile. "Besides, who else am I going to get to know? Dirk? Maybe, but he's all aloof and weird." There's a little laugh at the hair flip gesture, and she shakes her head.
"What things are you feeling?" She wonders after a moment, turning to face Bravo proper now, "I know you just said you can't name them but maybe you could, I don't know, describe them or something." She shakes her head at the last question. "Not exactly. Only that I feel like I'm going to make a fool of myself again, or something."
"He seems more...combative, than aloof." Bravo decides after a little while, "I don't dislike him. I don't really know how to dislike someone yet, I'm sure that I'll figure it out. But he confuses me, and I think he really wants to get in a fight with someone." Bravo replies, her brows furrowing a fraction before she glances at Penny.
What feelings? Those are a lot harder to explain. But she turns around to face Penny as well, taking a breath, letting it out slowly. "Warm." She starts, studying Penny's face. "Like I really want you to smile more...and then really conflicted, because I've watched you and C together, and you've told me your past, and about..." She waves a hand, then drops it. "And I think if anyone deserves to be happy, you two do, and I want to see that happen. But then sad, too? Because....I don't know what that feels like. You two, and then the two in the blankets, and the one half-naked and her friend. None of that."
"Maybe. I'm sure he just doesn't know what to do with himself either, though there's a smugness about him sometimes that does make him hard to want to like. I don't dislike him either, though," Penny notes, nodding her head in a bit of an agreement.
At the mention of smiling, Penny can't help but let a small one curve her lips, shaking her head a little. "I don't think that's something you need to feel conflicted about, really. And I don't know, things are still kind of weird between us at times. We try to just be happy. He struggles in this place more than I do, I think. I'm not sure there's any true happiness to really be found while we're stuck in here." She doesn't turn back, but her gaze does go somewhat distant, though the words continue. "I've only recently sort of realized what that feels like myself. It's hard to describe, honestly. Especially as it's not the same, here, for me."
"Maybe." Bravo agrees, but that seems to be the last thing she has to say about Dirk.
"It's not that I'm conflicted about wanting you to smile." She clarifies. But then noting that Penny's eyes have sort of gone a little distant she pauses, tilting her head just a fraction before she moves. It's sudden, and probably not nearly as smooth as someone with a lot more experience, or planning could manage. But it's not threatening, either. She's just taking the chance that while Penny is distracted she can sneak in a very bad, and very clearly projected, attempt to kiss her.
Lingering on those thoughts, the Penitent is certainly caught off guard, only realizing just how close Bravo is getting and then oh hey, lips. There's a light breath taken in before hand, and while she may lean away it's a very slight thing, and not really an attempt to prevent the kiss from happening. Even if she does sort of just sit there with wide eyes for a moment. Stunned or uncertain, but not for terribly long. After that moment's hesitation her hand reaches up to Bravo's shoulder, and then she's drawing the other woman closer even as she leans into that kiss, lips parting as she seeks to deepen it.
It is...probably not much of a help that Bravo actually doesn't seem to know quite what to do at first. There is that point where pulling away might have been appropriate, especially with Penny's hesitation. Thankfully when she's drawn in there is a bit of a roadmap that is being offered out, and she leans into that kiss with a little more eagerness. The feeling of her lips parting against her own is a clue, and she follows suit, her own hands lifting upwards to lightly touch the sides of Penny's face, brushing across her cheeks.
Her eyes close a moment more into that kiss, shifting her body slightly to attempt to bring the other woman even closer towards her. It's awkward in the theater seats, though. Still, she lets the kiss continue for a few long moments more before there's a slight push against Bravo, and Penny's head is tilting her away, her eyes fluttering open. Still so near, though the smile she wears now is a bright thing, and a soft little chuckle escapes her. "Well, mission accomplished I guess," she notes with amusement, still with that hand on the woman's shoulder as the other reaches up to the woman's face, touching lightly upon her cheek.
The push away is startling, and it causes Bravo's eyes to open, but she doesn't fight against it, and noting the smile does a lot to ease any worry that she did something wrong. "I guess so." She agrees, a smile spreading across her face in return, tilting her face into the touch on her cheek, "Thank you." She lifts her hand, covering the back of Penny's hand for a brief second before she drops it, "I still think there might be something to that licking thing, though. Someday, I mean."
Just looking at the other woman for a long moment, the mixture of emotion in her gaze makes it hard to place. Something between desire and uncertainty there, but she's clearly not unpleased by the turn of events, shifting slightly once more to keep the Bravo close to her. "No, thank you. Sometimes it is just best to do a thing. Especially when you know we've both been ... thinking about it," she admits, giving just a bit of a laugh once again. "I think you're right on that though. Someday ... it could be any day, I suppose."
"Were you thinking about it?" Bravo wonders, watching Penny for a little while before she starts to get to her feet, a hand moving to catch one of Penny's, "Come on." She gives a light tug, that smile widening a bit, "There are more comfortable places to sit up in the balcony...I think that is where the rich people would sit." She glances upwards, then back at Penny, "I'll remember that, though...That sometimes it's good to just do something, and I won't over think it."
"I don't think I have a tendency to forget when I embarrassed myself and yet the girl was interested anyway," Penny says with that touch of amusement, tugged up to her feet easily as she is happily led along, following that gaze up to the balcony. "I guess they're considered the best seats," she allows, glancing back down. "I'd know I suppose, I was stupidly wealthy once you know. Never spare any expensive and always buy the best." She grins. "Hey, I gave some good advice apparently. That's something! But yeah. Sometimes you just need to go with what you feel, I guess. I don't know, I'm really not an expert at this stuff."
"Were you?" Bravo wonders as she leads Penny back through the seats, then into a small hallway before up a narrow staircase to the balcony. Up there the view really is the best, and the seats are plush bench style seats with high backs and pillows. Far more posh. She moves over towards the one near the rail, "You're the second person that I showed this view to, but..." She trails off, turning around to face Penny before leaning in to give her another kiss, although it is quick, "The first I kissed up here."
"Mmmhmmm," is the slight noise Penny makes as she's led through the hallway and up the stairs, looking over the seats and peering over the railing. "Madison had a whole lot of money. Without her funding Conrad would never have done his little island party. Anette too, I suppose, was part of a wealthy family ..." she trails off though as they stand before the seat and the rail, and her attention is naturally drawn back to the woman facing her. The quick kiss is returned, her hands reaching out to settle at Bravo's hips for a moment. "Another new experience for your collection?" She wonders, grinning, followed by a more genuine question of: "Who did you show this too first?"
"Mmmhmm. I've got to collect as many of them that are mine as I can." Bravo replies, even if the question didn't really require an answer. "C." She answers the second one, though, then follows it up with, "Conrad...or...Cillian? Rhys?" She shakes her head, looking a bit amused by the litany of names in there. "Your brother-husband." Which probably doesn't make this at all less crazy. "He stumbled in here while I was practicing Romeo and Juliet, and the balcony really is the best place, other than being on the stage." She lifts her hands up, sliding her fingers against Penny's face, then into her hair as she takes a step closer, "He really is nice to look at, you're very lucky there."
"Yeah ... the names get confusing. Maybe Cass has it right, in picking a name to keep." There is a slight roll of her eyes when the words 'brother-husband' come out, though she glances away. It's still confusing to her, when spoken out loud. Her face tilts into the touch there, though, her hands still resting at the other woman's sides, glancing back at Bravo as she steps closer. "I mean, sure. But I'm not sure 'lucky' is the word I'd use to describe that particular situation that I find myself in, really. It's ..." her head tilts back to those fingers in her head, clearly a touch she enjoys. "I don't really know what it is. I suppose it doesn't matter right now," she says, that list a bit of a whisper as she uses those hands to draw Bravo in closer against her, studying her face.
"They do...but I guess, names are just names. Don't mean anything in the end, it's what is beneath the name." Bravo replies thoughtfully, getting distracted by that thought for a brief second. Then she just shakes her head, "Why not?" She wonders, sliding her fingers through Penny's hair before she drops her hands to her shoulders. "Do you love him? Care for him...feel for him?" There is a bit of a stress put on the last part, for some reason the entire thing is Important to her. She then wraps her arms around Penny's neck, pulling her in for a hug, "Stop thinking, and just...feel. You said it yourself, you have to act on your feelings sometimes."
"Yeah," Penny agrees on the names, likewise just quiet and thoughtful for a moment afterwards before the questions come, and her focus snaps back onto Bravo, staring there for a moment. "I just meant, it's not important right now because I'm thinking of you more than him right now." She says quietly, and then shakes her head, her hands sliding up to return the hug a little, but then drawing back and stepping away just slightly. "But if you want to do this now, then okay. It's not as simple as all that, because I feel a collection of strange and conflicting emotions. The problem is the conflict. Yes I care for him, and Anette's memories certainly make me want to love him, but ..." She shakes her head, and turns her gaze to peer down over the stage below. "I don't know, really."
"We don't have to." Bravo points out, releasing Penny when she moves away slightly, her hands dropping to her sides before she moves towards the bench. She settles on it, reaching up to tug her hat off, tossing it to the side, hands sliding through her hair to free it, then she smiles, "What is the conflict?" She wonders, leaning forward to rest her elbows on her knees, "You care about him, alright. You want to love him, because of Anette...but Madison had to love him, too. Right?" She tucks her chin on one hand, "Close your eyes...take a deep breath, imagine you are all alone...and just, try to put it into words. Describe it?"
Leaning herself against the railing, Penny turns about to watch Bravo as she frees her hair, just watching her quietly. "The conflict is obvious, isn't it? Conrad was my little brother, and I always looked out for him. Our father was kind of unfair to him, always doubting him and never really accepting him. So I did what I could. A very different set of feelings to what Anette had. Very different people, but having those memories attached to the same face, the same person here, is ..." she trails off and closes her eyes, drawing in a breath as instructed. "It's ... like being torn in two different directions. We fought hard to remember our relationship as siblings at first. Both of us did, keeping that connection alive, especially after we had our second lives and barely knew each other, I worked hard then. Part of me wants to keep that. The other direction ... Anette and Cillian almost got married ten years before they actually did. With everything going on they had decided not to, with a blood curse looming over both their families. So they fought against it instead, and eventually they got what they had waited for for so long. And I don't want to give that up either. I'm scared I'm going to break in half."
"I don't think those feelings are nearly as different as you do." Bravo replies after a little while, the smile that crosses her lips is almost sad, "I could say that is because I'm not feeling them, or I don't have all the memories attached to them....But maybe that makes it a lot clearer for me." She gets to her feet, moving over to the railing to peer over it, looking down for a moment before she turns towards Penny, "I don't know what the future holds, and evidently these lives lived change things in unpredictable ways. But to me?" She reaches out, sliding her hand over Penny's hair, "I don't know, maybe like...I'm oversimplifying it but I don't see why you can't have both. You can take care of him, and love him, and everything, you're not really his sister, or wife. Or...maybe you are. But does it really matter here...now?"
Penny's eyes open and she gives a small smile. "Maybe it makes it clearer for you. I couldn't really say. And yes, we've had that discussion. For all we know our next ... life is going to change who we are to each other again, in even more strange ways perhaps, and we should just make the most of what we have now. But there are moments still, where things are awkward. Mostly, we try to ignore Madison and Conrad. Neither of us really liked those lives over much, now, looking back. But that doesn't make it less strange. I don't even really know what we are now. And I don't want to just be his replacement for Maata." One again her head tilts towards that touch slightly. "It's all very dramatic and confusing but really, we're figuring it out. I'm less troubled about it than I was originally."
"Then don't be his replacement for Maata." Bravo smiles a bit, "Be you." She catches a strand of hair between her fingers, drawing it over towards her face, using it like a faux mustache. "I didn't know this Maata, but I'm pretty sure that you're a lot more amazing than she ever could have been." She drops the hair, leaning against the rail as well, hands resting against it, "But as long as you're figuring it out, and as long as what I did isn't going to...make a big mess of it all, then we're just ducky."
"That's what I'm trying to do. Unfortunately I don't even know who I am. Also figuring that out." Penny echoes the smile, though it's a small thing for her right now, a small chuckle as Bravo toys with that strand of hair. "Though I'm really not sure how I'm even remotely amazing." She admits, leaning against the rail still. But then she shakes her head. "Oh no, you didn't make a mess of it all for me at least. I don't know how it all plays out or what happens next but ... no, it's fine." A pause. "Ducky, huh?" She muses.
"Quack." Bravo replies, lifting a hand up to use her hand like a duck's bill, "Quack." She adds, then drops the hand, "But yeah, just great." She clarifies what she meant by the statement. Then she turns towards Penny, that smile widening a bit before she leans towards her, voice dropping, "I'm glad that its fine, and I'm not really worried about what happens next, or how it plays out, now is what matters."
It sure wasn't the reaction Penny was expecting, and the quacking draws a merry little laugh from her, shaking her head. "You just do these things," she muses, turning towards Bravo in turn. "For once, I'm not really worried about what happens next either," she admits. "But don't worry about me. What you did -- we did -- might just be the most real thing I've ever actually experienced, in its own strange little way. Probably because of that having no preconceived memory ideas about you, maybe."
"Maybe." Bravo agrees, her shoulders lifting in a careless shrug, "Maybe it's just because I'm secretly amazing." She reaches up to grab Penny's face, pulling her in for another kiss, murmuring a quiet question, "What things do I do?" But then there is another kiss, because now that she's opened this floodgate she's decided that she really likes the kissing part.