Log:There's a Moment
Why does she care so much? Bravo stops outside the door in question, which is good timing because she might have stopped at that question to begin with. "You're my friend. I like you." She points out things that she has already said. "The way I understand it, if you care about someone then you hope they are happy, and content...and..." She shakes her head, frowning before she releases Penny, "If you'd rather not, then you don't have to. I don't want to make you hate me."
Pausing, and released, Penny rubs at her wrist idly, glancing at the door in question, that man counting his coins. "I ... thank you. That's sweet. But you can't force happiness and bludgeon through these issues. You can't. And I appreciate the thought, I really do, you don't need to worry about me hating you for something like this. You're trying." A sad little smile, "No, it's not you that I'm worried I'll end up disliking." There's a sigh, as she glances between the rooms. Her own is just there too. "I don't know what to do."
"I don't know what you have done." Bravo replies, leaning against the door, because that's not at all awkward if it opened on her. "I know what I'd do, but...that might not be what you want to do." She shakes her head just a fraction at that, "And I don't know what you have done, or...whatever. But a part of me says he needs to forget this Maata person, because she's gone, and might never come back. But then the other part says, if I was in that position I don't know if I could forget you. But..then the other hand.." She's got three hands, ya'll. "You have to grab what is there, when it is there here. I've figured that much out."
"I spent basically all my time here this time around, in that room. Talking, figuring things out, being there. I ... thought we'd come to a good place." Penny shakes her head. "But I can't live my life in that room, and when he's out, he's cold and distant and seems like he wants little to do with me. There are ... moments, when I think I truly see him. But they're very few, and it's not enough. You can't grab it when it isn't there to be grabbed."
"So what...you're just going to?" Bravo isn't even sure what, but it's clear that she is at least curious about what Penny is going to do, or potentially not do. She sighs faintly, leaning her head against the door, arms crossing over her chest, "I'll stay out of it, but...no. I'll stay out of it."
"I don't know. Maybe it would be easier just to ... go back to the way things were. Enjoy what I can here, like ice cream and pancakes. It's easier than ... feeling." Her hands clasp behind her back, and once again that vacant kind of smile slips into place so easily. Like a mask. She turns, to peer at her own door, staring at the image there. As though some hidden meaning behind it all might just suddenly leap out of her. But she's spent a lot of time doing this before. "But what? You've come this far. I could use some advice."
"Advice..." Bravo laughs at that, shaking her head, "You'd be taking advice from someone that is...what, essentially weeks old?" She slides herself down, sitting with her back against the door. It is camp out in the hallway in front of Capitalist's door time, or just next to her own. "I've done nothing but read plays, and poems and...dramatic things. All my advice is to do something crazy, like storm in there and grab him and kiss him. Stop thinking, and do." She smiles faintly, an almost bitterly amused smile, "It's worked for me."
"Yeah but you're not nothing." Penny replies softly, glancing over her shoulder to watch Bravo slide down to the floor, shaking her head. "And maybe lacking experience, but there's something about you. Maybe it would help, but that would be so unlike me." She turns about proper, leaning against her own door. There is a vague echo of that amused smile Bravo has. "It worked for you because you're literally the first person to really try and get close to me in any real sense. I just ... don't think he'd appreciate it. It seems to me that whatever I might want, and what he might want, are rather different things. I've no doubt he cares for me. But it's not the same. I don't even know if I want to kiss him. Complications, remember? But I feel like I'm being held at a distance away from him, again. And I'm tired of trying to close it. He's done it twice, Thorne did it." She shrugs. "Maybe it's all I deserve."
"What do you want?" Bravo wonders, leaning her head back, expression thoughtful, "That is something that you should maybe decide on, I mean...I guess maybe you already know?" She shrugs, drawing her knees up, perfectly content and comfortable just sitting there on the floor like she is. "If you don't want to kiss him, and would rather return to being more like a sister, then I think you should. But commit to it."
"Why does it have to be one or the other? We can end up somewhere in between, surely." Penny says, closing her eyes and tilting her head back. She reaches up to run a finger through her hair, the hat she was wearing having fallen off when Bravo tugged her up to her feet. "My problem is I don't want to upset anyone. I feel terrible if I do. But if I'm being honest with want I want ..." a pause. "I just want to not feel alone."
"You're not alone, but no one can make you feel that except yourself." Bravo decides after a little while, "You are the one that determines that. You can be alone in a crowd of people, with a...a family." She probably read that somewhere. "Of course you can find something in between, but...what would be inbetween? Friends?"
"All these people. Sisters and brothers and ... friends. But I do feel alone, most of the time. I don't know how I can choose differently, or determine that." Penny shrugs her shoulders, and now slides down the door herself, legs crossing beneath her. "I think he'd rather be Rhys Driscoll more than anyone. Going through his life without any real attachments. He even suggested as much to me, once. So that's probably how it's going to end up."
"You take people as they are, and you accept yourself, and your relationships with them." Bravo replies, then shakes her head, "The rest? I've no idea. I don't feel alone, but part of that might just be because I don't know how to feel alone yet." She glances up, looking at the door above her head, then back towards Penny, "Would that be so terrible? Him being like Rhys Driscoll? If he was still around, and uh...I guess still friends, would that be enough?"
"I try. That's exactly what I try. And that's why I have just ... drifted along. When people start to open up to me, but then shut down and cut me out, what am I supposed to think? To feel? Easier to just not feel anything at all." She doesn't sound especially sorrowful about this. "I don't think Rhys Driscoll had any real friends. Just people he could use in various ways." She pushes up to her feet slowly, shaking her head. "What I want to do right now is to pray that I wake up as someone else soon. It's bound to hurt less."
The Bravo's sitting against the door with the guy counting coins on it, opposite Penny who is in front of her own door. There is a bit of a frown at Penny when she gets up, "Is it?" She wonders, sounding a lot more dubious about that than she should for someone that hasn't had the chance to experience it yet. "You use friends...you use them for comfort, and companionship, and umm..." She trails off, stopping the effort to rationalize what can't be.
The door with the woman running towards a cliff opens. The smell of good things wafts out as she steps out. Is there any surprise here that she has a tray with things on it. Small pie tins of individual size it seems. She looks about and sees the two women standing in the hall, but she also catches the look on their faces. While she may be smiling, she actually dials back the super-cheer. "Hello," She says in her friendly voice. "I made quiche, want to try one?" She offers as she approaches, holding out the tray with its selection. "You use friends?" The words cause her to blink in confusion. "I mean...use...use doesn't seem the right word when paired with a friend."
"Maybe." Penny doesn't sound so sure for her own part, if it will hurt less. "For a time, until we get back, I won't remember any of this, and maybe I'll care about different people." Her hand slips to the door again. "And then this might feel a bit more distant." She stares blankly at the Thrill-Seeker when the door opens, blinking a little as she stares at the woman. "Uh. No thank you," she says quietly on the quiche. "I'm sure it's great though."
"I'm allergic to eggs." Bravo replies, which may or may not be true, but it's the first thing that pops into her mind as a no. Even though Penny seems to be ready to escape, she hasn't budged from her spot in front of the door. Whatever other conversational topics are at least mercifully paused with the interruption.
The Thrill-Seeker doesn't seem all that upset when they're turned down. Though she -does- seem surprised by Bravo's statement. "Really? What happens? Do you get hives or is it like the bee sting allergy I read about where you have to get poked with special drugs to stop from suffocating?" She really doesn't have normal conversation down yet. It probably will hurt less to talk with her after she's been through a story.
Penny makes herself an amused little sound at that statement from Bravo. Something about it, despite her gloomy mood, does seem funny. Especially Thrill-Seeker's reaction to it. "That's kind of amazing, actually." Just a little laugh, but she's still pushing her day open, ready to slip through it and into her cell.
"Uh." Bravo pauses, then shakes her head, "I don't know?" She ventures, caught in her own lie now. "I think I just get sick." She shakes her head once more before she glances towards Penny and her obvious preperation for a retreat, offering her a bit of a smile.
The Thrill-Seeker seems more than happy to accept that lie and answer. Her experience with falsehood is nil, after all. Why would she not tell the truth. "Okay!" She says chipperly. As Penny starts to push open her door she turns to her and says, "If you want any later I'll put them in the dining room." And she begins to turn to head back down the hall with her tray.
Penny does manage a smile back, weak thing though it is, and there's a look of apology in her eyes. "Don't worry about me. I'll be fine." She says simply. A brief stare at the Thrill-Seeker. In truth, the Penitent doesn't intend to leave her room again for the forseeable future. But she just nods her head and manages yet another smile. "I'll be sure to have some. Thank you." And then she's disappearing into that mostly white room with the lino floor. The door closes moments after.
"Alright." Bravo is totally going to worry. But she keeps herself right where she is. There is a look after Thrill-Seeker, then back to Penny's door. There's nothing at all creepy about her just sitting out there, staring.
The Thrill-Seeker takes her treats off to the Dining Room. And is gone for awhile. But the reason? The reason is clear as the tv starts blasting music. An upbeat guitar introduction that lasts a few measures. "I was dreaming when I wrote this, forgive me if it goes astray..." And beneath it the Thrill-Seeker's voice. Apparently she has been distracted. Is anyone surprised?