Log:Here I Go Again
The Thrill-Seeker can be found on the couch among pillows and blankets pulled from her room. And an assortments of alcohol, sugar drinks, and snacks. Though in her lap is a plate upon which is a sandwhich. That is is currently devouring as she watches the sceen thoughtfully. Dressed in her pink-heart pajamas it has the look of anyone binging in front of the TV. Only her binge in the horror everyone else is living.
The Martyr's wearing his old black Shriekback Evolutions tee shirt and a pair of blue plaid flannel pajama bottoms with the fushia bunny slippers. He seems to have sobered up and showered. He goes poking around for food and returns with a swanson turkey tv dinner and a big tumbler of cola. He blushes a little, "Okay if I sit? Sorry about earlier, Cheer. You really are a superstar in my book, you know."
The Rogue somes out of his room shockingly still 35 and not 20, and even more shockingly not dressed like he's still hanging out in the cargo hold of the Heph. He's actually dressed in Lyle's clothes still partial: flat soled sneakers, loose pants and a Red Hot Chili Peppers t-shirt. He shambles out and finds ... once-Finn and "Cupcake, the Shovel Ninja." That accent is not Californian. Not by a long shot. An apologetic look to Finn, "How you holding up, mate?"
The Thrill-Seeker kicks her legs up and off the cushions at Finn returns to the Parlor. She shoots him a small smile as she pats it, "Totally okay. Being alone, even just for a day, sucks. Especially since I had to watch five days of what you guys were going through...sorry, I'm babbling." It appears she is eating a BLAST (Bacon, lettuce, avocado, swiss and tomato) sandwhich as she lifts it to take a bite. There is, even, the faintest smell of cooked bacon hanging about the halls. Her head whips around at a familiar voice and her smiles grows a bit, a little bit of hope in her eyes. "Hi!" She says, the excitement in her voice. "How are -you-? I mean...you've done this before so..."
The Martyr waves casually at Rogue, "A shower and nap really helped. I forgot what your Not Lyle Name is. I was kind of a mess there for a while." He is almost cheerful really, which should be a crime, "You were there when not bastian and not Max turned up, right? I was pretty drunk and it's all kind of tangled in my head." he sets he food down and offers her a hug, "That must have been trture for you, all alone nd having to watch without being able to help. Oooo! That sandwich looks amazing.... I can't figure out if my decition to quit pork for Danny makes sense now I'm dead.... Oh!" because of course she didn't see the other Afternoon returners.
The Rogue simples a faint half smile being greeted by the cook gone psycho cheerleader and back. Hey, he's smiling, or making the effort rather than just off on a morbid conspiracy rampage. His head rotates with a shake of his head. "I've..." He pauses and the smile fades admitting honestly tired emotionally. "I woke up but I don't remember sleeping. I was in his room and them I was waking up in mine. Never went to sleep." Lips press together walking over and easing into a seat he admits, "Honestly laying awake in fear wondering if they're going to make it back to this facility or if I'm going to have to go through what happened last time... this time. And... It's... the rest is hard but waitings really all we can do." Looking up to not-Finn, both eyes whole, bright blue, "The people on the prairie with me called me Caleb. You can call me... whatever you want. Lyle's fine honestly. It was my life as much as it wasn't I just..." There's the flinch working on reconciling it.
The Thrill-Seeker hugs Martyr in turn. "No worries. I'm pretty good at bouncing back from things. But...you don't think it was my fault do you? I...said I was lonely. Wanted company...then Misty followed by the rest of you," She says, waving her hand vaguely. Her eyes turn back to The Rogue and she offers Finn one of the triangles of sandwich. The plate is set on the back of the couch with one triangle remaining. Just sitting there almost as a silent offering for Lyle. "You've seen the TV right? It shows us the horror unfolding for all the people we cared about, or not. It...well...it kept me from going totally nuts."
The Martyr hugs the Thrill Seeker tight, lingering a moment, craving something human and familiar. "Of course it wasn't, Cheer. Misty was my fault if anyone's. I was in charge and they were all kids. And what happened to Max... could have been any of us. Once she was gone, Bastian was inevitable. I was... I knew we were likely all going to die after Misty and the goal was just to say alive long enough to do the counter ritual. When Bastian died... Fuck! If you were watching, you saw, K-Cheer. How I kissed Danny good bye? If the ghosts hadn't dragged him to the chair, my plan ay that point was to try to taunt him visible and tackle him into that chair myself without protective equipment. I was saying Goodbye, because I couldn't bear for it all to be in vain. I was dieing that afternoon one way or another, I just wanted to do it being the man danny thought I was." He takes a breath, "I've no idea if that place was real, but it felt real and the mission still feels real to me."
The Martyr reaches over to touch the Rogues wrist lightly, eyes sad, "I'm terrified they won't make it back too, Caleb. We can only hope. After all, Bastian and Max came back. I... don't know what they'll be like after everything, but I hope." He nods, "I can only imagine how much worse it must be for you with more to reconcile. I am sorry. This place...." He shudders, then takes the offered triangle with a small smile, "I miss them so much. Damnit!" He eyes the television, trying to hide the tears starting to form, "I'm glad you have company now, Cheer. I'm glad Bastian and Max gt to go together. How are they doing, do you know cheer?"
The Rogue is just working at keeping his resolve. He had practice for a lifetime as Caleb Colton. This? This is raw and his resolve thin. Hand crosses over to squeeze the Martyr's hand on his arm. He then takes the offered sandwich. It's what she has to offer as solace, and it's taken. He turns from the tears that start up. Now Kim's words come to make sense and he looks vaguely green for a moment, "Shite you have to watch all of it? That's not-kiff."
He winces wiping his face with his hand doing his damnedest not to have all these emotions in front of people. "I'm terrified he's not coming back to be honest, and then? What he remembers I dunno. " The sandwich is held gently in his fingers where the other hand makes a fist. "We had a fucking plan. Finally and I feel... fekkin robbed. Why we can't ever catch a break, bru?" Shaking his head he turns his eyes to teh screen, "I wanted more time but Freak? Oy, mate that weren't your fault. T'was mine. I knew going in. Shoulda said somethin. And Max and Bas? well... They're slowly working some things out. Is gonna take some time."
The Thrill-Seeker reaches over to squeeze Martyr's knee gently. That human contact she understands all too well. "I saw...I didn't understand, maybe, but I saw. I'm pretty sure Danny will come back. I mean, he was here before. Before we were those people. So yeah, there is hope," She says with a nod. She glances at Lyle and gestures to the plethora of food and drink. "I mean...I could just hang out in my room. But that tv is on everytime I come out. And...yeah," She leans back into the arm of the couch and takes another bite of her sandwich. There are tears being held back in her eyes and she sniffs a bit. "Kirk isn't real...he would have shown up by now if he was."
The Martyr reaches for a hanky in a pocket that isn't there, then turns further away to wipe his eyes quick with his hand. By the time he turns back he's under control again. He gives Caleb a thin, understanding smile, "I feel the same and I don't know if not Danny will be anyone I recognise. I'm brand new; he isn't. We had a plan too, and I'm morning a whole life we're never going to get to have. I don't know if whoever he is will even like me. Still, I have hopes for your Ethan, I really do. I think Max and bas are going to be all right. They still fit even if the edges are rough."
The Martyr bumps the Thrill seeker's shoulder with his. "Max is furious about tthe TV Thing. I think I'd rather know. How they are doing. Who we should be looking for so we can count those that didn't....Oh shit, Cheer! I'm so sorry!" He tries to put an arm around her shoulders.
The Rogue takes a deep breath, jaw trying to tighten down so it's not waivering. Fly casual, dammit! ...this is not casual enough. Casual-er, Lyle! Taking a bite of the sandwich seems to help give him something to focus on. "FInn, we dunno. He wa shere before but... so was my wife. But maybe... maybe we'll get them back. And we have to accept even if they don't...remember like we do? We gotta be satisfied with them jsut being." Not being okay or being hole, jsut existing. The Rogue's baseline is unbelievably low and from evidence? Still hard to achieve for him.
Eyes tilt up to teh TV and Rogue asks with a deep breaht, "...Got that mucst have been horrible to watch. They look so fuckin spent. The real question is, they gonna do it? Last time we saved the bloody world from destruction we still lost."
The Thrill-Seeker lets herself be hugged and puts on a sad smile. "I'll be ok...I kind of figured when people I didn't recognize kept dying...not showing up...he would be one too," She says in a steady voice. Never the less a couple tears slide down her cheeks. To be dashed away quickly by the back of her hand. "I gotta admit, Finn, that I was so happy to see you. I thought you'd just be another face like Tommy and Candice."
There is quiet from her as her eyes slant to the television and what's going on back at the lodge. There is pain on her face and sympathy as she looks back to Lyle. "Maybe. It'd be nice for us to have something. Something to look forward too. Fuck..." She scrubs at one eye as she reaches for a bottle of vodka. Which she pours out into her shot glass and slams back. "Drink?" She wiggles the bottle at the two of them.
The Martyr's brows furrow, "That must have been a special kind of hell for you, Cheer. he really did seem nicce, and he came right in a pinch every time." He curses softly, "Fuck, and a lot of people loved Jessica and Danny's not Dad. I supose that mean Evaline and Roxie aren't realy either."
He watches the Rogue out of the corner of his eyes, "It's so odd you being older than me in at least two senses. I don't.... Look, if there's anything I can do for you, let me know, Okay? I still feel... I really did want to help you and I didn't know how then and there was always s little time. Now we have nothing but until this thing is over." He eyes him for real then, "Last time? Wife?" He takes a deep breath and blushing looks away, "Is it normal to wake up... reoriented? Because that's really throwing me for a loop." He eyes the bottle, "I'm tempted but I was already weepy drunk once since I died. I'm not sure twice so soon is a good idea." He's still debating though. "Even the alcohol doesn't hit me the same.... Fuck! One shot can't hurt, right?"
The Rogue doesn't want to watch teh TV. He is. "We can hang a blanket over it or..." Looking back to Kim he pauses trying to remember, "Awww, shite." THe soft South African tilt to his voice offers comiseration and sympathy in teh tone turning his attention back to the Cupcake peddler. "Awww shit. That's no bueno. When ... My firsttime," He looks for words and just shakes his head sadly. "DOesn't matter. I'm terribly, terribly sorry they took Kirk from you. If it's any solace though? I offer we're mighty glad to see ya." Not before one for much in teh way of an unguarrded sentiment, but a life as a very expressive skate punk seems to have tinted this offering the olive branch to her inclusive of Finn-ish's expressed sentiments."
The Thrill-Seeker pours out three more shots. Of course she had more than one shotglass out. "There are others who are here. That's what we should focus on right?" She replies as she hands the Rogue one of the shots and Martyr the other. Then she shoots her own vodka, hissing a breath before looking at her friend in puzzlement, "Reoriented? Oh...I...dunno. Heh. I mean...we're unique people in these scenarios. Whatever they are. So...how different were you now from the last time, Caleb?"
The Martyr takes the shot glass and stares at it heasitating, "I don't think I've ever done this before." He tries to down it like Cheer and ends up bug eyed as he chokes and sputters.
The Rogue takes the drink and looks to Kim-ish lifting it. He's still mulling over Finn-ish and asks, "How well we think we know ourselves is amusing sometimes. Addie DeWitt... was a woman made of iron and steel forged in fire and salt and would stand with me to gun down the evils of the world like an angel and a devil protecting our family. She was... amazing. I don't know it really mattered what she was, it was who she was." He flinched. One life time not really replacing another. It's just fresher. "Eiiiish, mon, they were a force of nature and the fire in my heart to go fight the whole bloody world. And then waking up without her when she lived here too? I thought I'd never r feel again. Not anything."
Running his tongue over his lip thoughtfully he takes a deep breath and slams the shot exhaling with it instead of breathing it back in. "Ethan... was the other half of a great puzzle. I mean thinking about it?" Now he was really thinkign about it almost confusing. He bites the sandwish shaking his head. "Lyle had his heart and his vision and it aligned. But thinking back? I don't know. The heart speaks to teh heart and honestlly? If you go deep enough you can't even prove any of this is any more real than where we were at. Can't get hung up int eh details or you'll go mad. RIght now?" He sniffs shaking his head, "I just... want em back. I need em to be okay, one way or the other. That part of me that can't stand to know he's hurt is real enough and that? That counts. If you miss Danny, miss em. If you care? Well that's a beautiful and rare fekkin thing to manage, bru. Hold onto that. When we stop caring about something? That's when we stop being human."
The Thrill-Seeker reaches out to pat Finn-ish on the back. "You're not supposed to breathe it, dude," She says with a little chuckle in her voice. But mostly? She listens as Lucas-ish goes on. Listening intently with wide blue eyes. At least they're not vacant like Kim's.
"Do you want a hug?" She finally asks, legs tensing to take her past the Martyr to give the Rogue a hug if she does. "We're all here now and can miss, cheer, love them till they come back. But at least we can do it together, right? I...didn't understand what you guys were talking about before. The feelings. The connections. Now I do. Boy do I." She glances at Finn briefly and flashes him an awkward, lopsided kind of smile.
The Martyr listens to The Rogue with quite sympathy. "She sounds like an amazing woman. To lose her like that.... There are no words. I am so sorry." Impulsively he pours another round of shots, "We should drink to her memory. Or maybe a group hug, I don't know."
He growls, "Fuck! I don't know if I even can love anyone like that. All the... people I thought I was with before the lake are like dreams. The lover who died in my arms before the Lake... I can't even remember his name. And Danny and I never said love until I said maybe seconds befor I became a hundred and sixty pounds of roast pork. What kind of man am I?" He takes a deep breath. "Sorry. I'm not sure being dead agrees with me. I want them back. I them back so hard I can taste it. Danny and Scott. Laine and Christine and Em." The feirceness and steal he once brought to the battle is still there under all the confusion." He thinks over the last thing The Rogue said for several beats, eyes flicking almost as if he were reading, and says. "I don't think I can stop feeling. I think that's more stable than anything else about me. I did what I did back there out of love, so big and warm and feirce it could be a planet all on it's own but not just for any one person. It was too big for that. And it's still there like the earth's core if I dig deep enough. The ground keeps shifting under me, but maybe... that is the real me under everything else." He gives Cheer a sheepish look, "there are probably some things we should talk about at some point."
The Rogue took a while to really come to grips with it. Addies loss renewed. Ethans's present absence and being out somewhere hurting and scared shitless down half of himself. The rogue almost entirely, and historically guarded but for when someone says something about his other- well, has this really changed? He doesn't answer the cook but extends an arm to her with a flick of his hand. Apparently maybe yes on the hug? He tells them, "As insane as it sounds? I want... I want to go back. I want to be him. He was happy. The world was burning and as angry and alone as he was? only cared about one thing and believed in it. He was loved so much he'll never know being alone again and they fucking... took that from them... and make me go through this again?" He scoffs "Eish, ja no. Fuuuck them!" Morning? Try pissed! Still he stands and finally, for once, gives the Cookie Lady a hug and smooches the top of her head. It's not comfort for himself he seeks, but instead says, "It's a terrible burden I'm sorry we have to share. If you want to be mad at them for taking Kirk from you? Be mad. You want to mourn him? We'll drink to him. You want to cry and grieve we'll let no one raise a word against ye... but don't let anyone fekkin bloody well tell you he's not real. They don't get to define that. Son't... Don't let anyone take that shit from you, ja?"
The Thrill-Seeker returns that hug tightly. A smile growing, tight but firm, the more Rogue spoke. The kiss gets a chuckle and she moves to shove him so he falls back onto the couch, playful like. Taking her own seat she pours herself another shot at the Martyr's words. The smirk on her face is wry and she says, "Yeah. Get the feeling I'll have a few of 'em when people eventually join us." There is a red blush that crosses her cheeks before she throws back the shot. "You're fucking right. Take the good that this shit gives us, hold onto it. Hold onto it," And she pouring another shot and one for each of the others too.
The Martyr's eyes look haunted, "Of course you do, Caleb. I want to be Finn even with the pain that gutted me sometimes and the constant background terror, I liked being him and I feel... naked now." You looks up at The Rogue, admiring, "you are so fucking right, Man!" He lifts the shot glass, and lifts it, drinking it down with something like defiance, only choking a little this time. Once he can speak again he says feircely, "Never be ashame of Kimmy, Cheer. She may not have been the brightest, but she was the kindest and the bravest and she mattered so much to a lot of people."
It's not the Lodge. It is "home" as far as Bravo recognizes it, the familiarity of the long hallway the first one she can pin point as HER memory. So there is no edging out, no slinking around. After time bathing, and playing in her clothes, eventually she emerges in a long black dress suited for going dancing, sky-high heels, hair and makeup done. She's making a point, whatever the point might be in her slinky dress entirely not suited for roaming around in search of coffee and cigarettes.
The Rogue is shoved back to teh couch, faint smile; sad but satisfied. With a pass of his hand the refilled drink is taken up, bottom of the glass angled to Finn-ish's. At the compliment he just angles a tilt of his head offering the question up to teh man who gives up too much of himself, "These people, whoever they are? They're going to angle to control you and take from you the things you care about. Those things you care about? That's for you to decide. Find those things you love. Kill, cheat, steal it back if you have to, but dammit man you hold on with both hands and don't let them take a damn thing for ye. You stand between you and that you care about. You get to define it." Eyes pick up to Roxie and he recognizes his lab partner. Instead of drinking his drink he offers it to her. "Bunny."
The Parlor has been turned into a party room. Several bottles of booze and bowls of snacks are on the table. A few empty plates too. On the couch against one arm is Thrill-Seeker. The couch itself has a goodly number of blankets and extra pillows added. The Matryr sits next to her. Both of them are dressed in jammies, her in the pink heart fleece two piece.
The Thrill-Seeker blushes a bit more at Martyr's firmness, but she actually grins. Showing teeth and it makes her eyes shine. "You're sweet. I'm not so much ashamed as...ah...embarassed. Because I can remember some of the thoughts I...she had about people. I mean...that girl was seriously addicted to a -lot- of things. But yeah...all there really was beyond cravings was affection and love for the most part. I was confident, I was strong, I found a strength in all that chaos and chased it to the end...I just hope no one else dies to that bloody trap." And she shudders and pours another shot. Then she sees Roxie and -she- is the one choking on her vodka.
The Martyr's wearing his old black Shriekback Evolutions tee shirt and a pair of blue plaid flannel pajama bottoms with the fushia bunny slippers. The differences between him and Finn are fairly subtle. He is the same age, and his haircut is only slightly different. He is still tall and gangly and very thin, but now he's wirey with it instead of borderline emaciated. He growls, "Fuck 'em! Whatever sick fucks are doing this to us? No way am I giving in!"
To Kim, "I hope so too. It was terrible enough just watching. At least electricity was fast. I fear there will be more. I've no idea how they can stop him, especially afterwhat I saw him do to Misty." His tone softens, "I had a pretty good idea that was the case. The Addiction, I mean. It wasn't until I got here that I saw the resemblance." To Danny, of course, though it's unsaid. "Kimmy was herself. There was a beauty to that. A simplicity of... direction, like a dolphin leaping.... Oh!" He spots Roxie, startled and pleased, "I was worried you might not have come back. I'm glad you made it! Come have a drink. Are you new like me, or have you been here before?" his cheeks are just starting to flush from the drink.
"People." Bravo greets, although a hand is raised upwards to wave off the offers of drinks before she heads through the room and into the kitchen, off in search of a thrill of another kind. It doesn't take her long before she's wandering back, coffee and a cigarette in hand, "Am I new here? No. I was here just before that bullshit." She moves to Rogue, first, leaning over to give him a hug, then a kiss on the cheek, "You were fantastic." Then she's on to a chair, dropping herself into it bonelessly, legs crossing, "So is it just us so far?"
The coffee is set to the side then Bravo pulls a small gold lighter out of where it's been tucked into a bra strap, lighting it before she breathes out a slow sigh of relief, eyes closing, "I didn't realize anyone else was already here. Other than the Cheerleader."
The Rogue returns the hug to his lab partner. Content with Finn reaffirmed in his path to do what he will with it hr focused on Roxie. Smooch returned to her cheek. Elbow is given a squeeze. The grin returns with a dimpled, subdued pride. No regrets in lighting up Freak like New Years. "Thanks. Wish the cost wasn't so high. So far? Us. Max. Roen." He nod to the TV, "Looks Scotty is hanging in there. Ethan, Danny, Cassandra?" The South African accent so far from California Skater, but the cadence carries, "Still fighting. Look like they're looking to finish helping the last three..." He pauses and nods slowly. "Thank you. For siting with us so long. That was a hard one. I hope they chase your cameras to find that breathing sunovabitch." Yeah hes in the Facility and still pissed at Dini.
The Thrill-Seeker has recovered from her own attempt to breath alcohol by the time the Bravo comes back. Now she is quite glad that she also brought out a big pitcher of cherry coke. From which she takes a drink. When the other woman returns she leans back into the corner of the couch. "Hmph...I had a name you could use, ya know? And I'm willing to double down you didn't forget," She says in a rather mild tone.
The Martyr has no clear idea about any of their pasts or relationshipsand is having enough trouble hanging onto the basics, "Misty's aroud hear somewhere too. Is there something I should call you now besides Roxie? You likely have no idea how hard I had not to hum that song from Chicago every time you made and entrance back when we were alive."
"What about...Joshua and Laine?" Bravo wonders, glancing in the direction of the television, then back to Thrill-Seeker with a lagh, "You had a name, but I don't know if that's the name you want to go by, so instead of using the wrong name, I didn't. If you want me to call you that I will." She shrugs her shoulders a bit, "I don't want to call anyone by a name they aren't comfortable with."
Which, in regards to her own name there is a shake of her head to Martyr, "No, Roxie isn't my name. It was just an act, a skin...an outfit with a story." She then laughs, looking momentarily amused by her own dramatics. Then she coughs, a hand raising to cover her mouth, "Sorry. You can just call me whatever. Bunny works. I'll still respond to Roxie..." There is a bit of amusement, then she tilts her head, "Chicago. I know that." But then her eyes shift back towards Thrill-Seeker, brows lifting, "You realize that whatever happened before, there, wasn't me."
The Rogue swirls his drink and drinks it since the Bravo is not. "I liked the bunny slippers. They helped make a shite day less harrowing." Arching the eyebrow not in surprise, but as their previous discussion starts to show its hand immediately. "Bunny, I can't watch the tele anymore. If I have to watch Julian struggle with being last man standing again I'm going to put a frozen turkey through the monitors." The dispenser can come up with that! Pushing himself to his feet a hand falls to Finn-ish's shoulder giving it a squeeze. "Door's open if you want to talk. I ...very much doubt anyone will be knocking on it for a time to come. Can't blame all you. Still you want to jaw later? Bring a bottle. You can bend me ear on it. Cupcake? Thanks for the drink, and... it is good to see you." Turning he shakes his head. "There's something I need to do."
The Thrill-Seeker's nose wrinkles slightly. "Yeah, but referring to me in the third person when I'm -in- the room is, like, rude," That sounds very Kimmy and it makes her actively cringe. "Ugh this is weird," And she curls her knees up to her chest, hiding her face for a moment. Then her shoulders shake. But it's with a low chuckle.
"In my head yeah. I know. The heart is still connected to the memories though. I'll try to rise above it, but I also accept that Kimmy was a part of me and some of me was in her. That said...I'm getting a smoke. I forgot we could GET those." Thrill-Seeker says as she lifts her head, regarding Bravo with a level and open expression. Then she is on her feet and heading for the kitchen. "Yeah. Good to see you too, man. I feel the need to bake something...so I'll stop by later with goodies." She says as she disappears around the corner. "Bacon doughnuts!" Can be heard, much like someone would say EUREKA! as she is wandering off.
The Martyr repeats "Bunny" a couple of times to himself. "I'll try to remember. i'm still having a little trouble adjust to everything." His eyes flick between the women. The conclusions he draws he keeps to himself. He peers down at his feet. "I always feel a little better if I wear something cheerful. Weird coicidence though." He smiles up at the Rogue, "Sure. And I really am sorry about being a mess earlier this evening. I really am mostly okay now. I like... who you are now. I'd like to know you better."
He squeezes Cheer's shoulder. "I suspect that really is disconcerting, given the givens. Thaanks again for greeting me what I first arrived. It meant a lot." and then she's off and he's studying Bunny, trying to get used to this her.
"I wore bunny slippers when I first woke up here a few times, they were cute...and the ears flopped when I walked." Bravo offers with a bit of a smile, "I tried the name out for a little while, and it stuck with..." She pauses, glancing after Rogue, "Lyle. He's the only one that calls me that, though. That I can remember, at least."
The cigarette hasn't been forgotten, and she takes a drag off it before she gets to her feet, moving to locate an ashtray or something similar to flick the ashes into. "I was lucky, honestly. I was here before I was Roxie, so I got to experience things a little different, and when I woke up here it wasn't a huge shock. I was warned by...Emily and Christian." Without the other two around she defaults to Capitalist's real name at the Lodge, like some part of her is still trying to protect his identity. She moves back towards her seat, setting the ashtray down before she takes a deep breath, smiling faintly, "But, I get what she means. Roxie is still in there, but I know she's not me. But I can still feel her there, whispering to me that now is a good time to get mad, or scream and stomp my feet at the injustice of it all."
The Martyr nods, "Names are malleable. I'm so clearly not Finn, but I can't find something that fits. Maybe it's harder because 'm still working out who I am now, but I'm getting closer, I think." He cocks his head, still trying get the measure of her, but not in an unkind way. "I don't think I'd ever have mistaken you for her. You move differently even." He runs his hand through his hair, a very Finnish guesture.
"I do?" Bravo looks a bit surprised by that, eyes tracking towards the door, then back to him, "When I was here the first time I was....a child. I guess. That's the best way I can describe it. I felt things, but I had no way of understanding what those feelings were. Now I know what those feelings were, those urges and thoughts." She smiles very faintly, her head tilting just a bit to the side, "Tonight I can write the saddest lines. Write, for example,'The night is shattered and the blue stars shiver in the distance.' The night wind revolves in the sky and sings." The words have the cadence of something remembered, repeated. "I found a stage, and that stage was mine. I enjoyed reading things and finding the voice of the character..I don't think Roxie ever found her own voice."
The Martyr listens with real fascination, "That is... beautiful." He thinks that over, "You're probably right. I know didn't get to know her propeperly. I never really knew what to say to her when we weren't in the middle of an emergancy." He sighs, "I really liked being Finn. A lot of me still feels Finn-like. The emotions and thoughts are still very, very real, but I keep spotting the divergances. Once I realized Cheer wasn't Kimmy once I'd calmed down enough to really think, I spotted the obvious difference in me and from there it's like fractals, patterns in patterns and the deeper you look the more there is to see." He stares down at his almost familiar left hand, flexing it. "I think I'm starting to glimpse the bones underneath all the distractio, but I don't know how much there really it yet." He looks up at her again, "You're very together. It's impressive."
"Neruda...I found a book of his poems in my room this time. Last time it was Shakespeare...not sure what it means, or if they just knew I would need new reading material. Maybe I just didn't see it last time." Bravo shrugs her shoulders a bit, another drag taken off her cigarette before she stubs it out, "I did a lot of thinking in my bath, and in front of my mirror. This, as far as I know, is me. Until I get my real memories back, and the rest are just more roles to play in a much more...traumatic play. I hope that you get used to it, though. I don't think everyone deals with this place the same, or what we go through for these fucked up keepers."
The Martyr looks genuinely amused, "I found Sartre's Huis Clos on my nightstand when I woke up here. No exit. hell is other people. Their sense of humor or mine, it's hard to tell." He shrugs, "I think I'll be all right. I'm sort of... wound differently than I was, but I think the fundamental trauma processing is similar enough. I need to feel whatever it is intensely. I melt down for a while and then I can accept. Lean into it even. Only I'm less... I don't know, anxious isn't the right word, but it's something similar. "Finn was an atheist when he stepped out of his car at Beaver Lake. The ghost thing moved him into the agnostic catagory, but I didn't expect any sort of an afterlife, so that wasa shock. And then I though maybe I was having a breakdown when I saw what looked like Kimmy coming towards me. Then there was the whole some come back some don't oreintation thing, all of which I could have bounced back from quick. It's the not really being me thing that's taking longer, but i'm getting there.
"Yeah, some weren't here the first time I was. Maata...and...someone that was important to Lyle. I don't know what her name was, or I can't remember. But I remember C talking about Maata a lot. He waited for her." The mention of 'C' causes a bit of a wistful smile for a moment, a sad one at the memory. "I wonder..." She glances around, "Have you seen Drake? He was here the first time, I remember he was here. But he wasn't one of the ones any of you said was here..."
The Martyr nods, "He was taking about her earlier. She sounded amazing, honestly. Do you mean Drake the Monkey or Ethan Drake. Ethan still out there fighting. The other Drake... I'm sorry. Poor Cheer was completely alone here after Kimmy died all the way up until Misty got killed this morning. No one exept Cheer made it before today. Tommy, Kirk, Drake, Jessica, Evaline, Kasper, Candice the woman from the kitchen. Gone. I might have forgotten someone." He searches her face, concerned, "Were close to Drake? If so I'm sorry.... Oh, and I don't know if Raul's dead or not. Last I saw him he was running towards the fishm people instead of away."
"No. I wasn't close to him, and I wasn't close to Raul, either. I do remember them both from before, although Raul was like me. He was new here." Bravo smiles a bit, pointing towards the television, "The ones I was close to are still there, and they'll come back. They've come back already a whole lot of times, so I know they'll come back."
The Martyr nods, "They say Danny and Scott wwere here before, though not everyone who was comes back. I'm not idea if Laine, Christine, or Emily were new or not, but I want them back too, damnit. Caleb wants his Ethan. I want Danny back even if whoever he'll be wants nothing to do with me, I know that. I'm a little afraid to ask what he was like before he was Danny."
"Emily and Christian have been here before, numerous times. I remember Danny briefly...in a dress." Bravo thinks about it, "And Laine, she was meek, quiet...skittish. I remember Scott, he was like me, I think. New to here..."
The Martyr cocks his head, curious rather than distressed, "In a dress? Interesting. Who are you most wanting back? Or is that rude to ask. I've no idea what manners even are here."
"From my time here before? Emily and Christian. I want them back the most." Bravo decides, although she doesn't actually have to spend any time actually thinking about it. There is a glance towards the television, then back to him, "From there? Scott, Jon...Cassandra. I liked her even though I only was every around her when shit went badly, but I liked her. She had guts. I can appreciate that in a person."
The Martyr says, “I'm sorry I didn't get to know Jon better. I really liked Cassandra. Guts count for a lot with me too. And Scott's right up there. I hope Christine is coming too. We may be less alike now, but Oh did I admire her. Really, I want nearly everybody back. I suppose that's in my nature.”
"I'd like everyone to make it back, too. But...some do, some don't." Bravo replies thoughtfully, then she reaches for her coffee to pick it up, "I think I'm going to head back to my room to read some more. If you need me, start banging on the doors."
The Martyr smiles crookedly, "Whch one is yours? I'm the anatomically correct heart. I think I'm going to like you, Bunny or whatever you want to be called." he offers her his hand to shake without any sense of irony.
"The door with the woman walking, and a bunch of people watching her." Bravo replies, glancing at the hand for a moment before she reaches out to take the offered hand, shaking it, "Next to the door with a man counting coins. That's C's room. Across from him is Emily's room."
The Martyr nods, "I'll try to remember. There's a lot to memorize here and no useful handouts." His toneis self mocking, but in a gentle way. "Sleep well."