Log:Every Little Thing
Relapse watches Oh go, and they say, "Poor sweet guy. This is rough on him. I'm surprised at how okay I am. I mean, I'm not okay, but I just bottle it up. I'm bottling well. I don't want anyone to be bothered by my ugly crying. When I get that way, bubble baths help."
Dare says, “If a back rub will help with your ugly crying, I am the man for the job, Love." He eyes the door, "He's having a hard tie with the cannibalism, and I think at least as hard a time with the orientation pendulum. Underneath, he's terrified people will reject him. I'm glad you answered him the way you did."”
"I only said the truth," Briar replies. "If he's happy not wanting to date anyone, what's the big deal? He's a sweetheart, and I care about him. I'm having a little trouble with the cannibalism, too. There are just so many layers to this nightmare. Like a nightmare onion."
You say, “He says in the time he's from Gay people hate asexuals. It makes no sense to me, but people can be horrible sometimes.... I committed bestiality. A lot. and in the postcard memories and my....sentiments I was unnervingly enthusiastic about incest. I know it is not the same, but I admit to having rather more to drink than I intended once I had time to really think about it. It is definitely a nightmare onion. I thought watching Oh swallow human beings whole was sexy. It rather makes one wish there were a really good psychiatrist trapped in here with us."”
"That's just stupid," Addict says. They wave a hand then and say, "You were an Egyptian god. I was a maenad. You don't think a few animals got in there somewhere? Fuck, kill, eat, it was all the same. But it wasn't me. It was a mythological creature. They play by different rules than we mere mortals."
The Martyr nods, "I am thinking of it as an altered state. It is just some of it will be harder to live with than others."
"We can't put mortal values to immortal beings," Briar says. "If we do, then we'll never live it down, any of it. Some of us did sketchy things, and we'll have to work that out on our own, but I think it's important to remember that, first of all, we don't choose who we become, second, we weren't mortal, and third, we all did stuff we're not proud of, so none of us are innocent."
The Martyr nods, nuzzling their hair, "I miss all the growing things. I miss making things grow. I liked being Osiris, even weak and fading. I liked... waking up every evening and smelling.... I liked flying on a manticore's back and performing and.... We did strange and terrible things, but I miss it."
"I miss that mindless, conscienceless passion," Briar admits. "Just going for it, whatever it was. I miss my husband." Their voice catches, there, and they hide their face against Dare's chest.
The Martyr holds them tight, stroking their back, their hair, "Have you spoken to him, Love?"
"Not yet," Briar mumbles against him. "I will. I just... I need to get my courage up. I need to know I'll be okay with whatever outcome there is, and I'm not yet okay with us just ending. I don't know how to be okay with that."
The Martyr rocks them gently, "Of course you don't. Being with him changed everything for you. I know... How alarming it was waiting to see if ou still wanted to be with me last time, and how scary this time was because i wasn't sure how you'd react to me changing, and you and I... we've had something like a month together. I love you so much, but it's... a month with years between us being together now. With chance it was years of happy marriage that was literally transforming you. Of course this is huge, Love. Of course you are terrified. Of course the thought of him not... I just wish I could fix it is all."
"Just be with me," Briar says. "You are helping me." They give him a squeeze. "Knowing you love me, that whatever happens I won't be alone, that's why I think I can probably do this."
The Martyr kisses the tip of their ear, "As long a I'm here, you are loved and cherished and you never need to be alone. You are strong and I know you can do this. I still doubt he'd be such a fool as not to still want to be your husband."
"I hope you're right," Briar says. "And I will always be his friend, regardless. I want him to feel how he feels freely. It's not right if it's coerced, you know?" They sigh softly, resting their head on his shoulder. "I was drawn to you there," they murmur. "Even married, even with you and your bevy of lovers, I knew there was something about you that I admired. And I love you so much."
Dare says, “I was drawn to you too, in any capacity you would have me. Even when I was terrified you'd rip me apart and eat me. I really do love you down to the marrow." his hands keep moving, soothing, massaging, fundamentally dare even though the hands are wider and rougher and the fingers a bit shorter. I thing the relationships we choose always count wherever we start them. No way could anyone have expected or predicted us. no way could anyone have imagined a Maenad and a blind Norse God head over heals for each other. he chose you as much as you chose us. I have to believe it will work out."”
"I'll speak to him tomorrow," Briar says. "And if the worst case scenario happens, I will cry on your shoulder and know that I'm still loved, and that in the grand scheme of things, it'll be all right." They lift their head and kiss Dare on the lips. "I loved your face before, and I love this face now."
The Martyr kisses them slow and sweet, "I will bring you a sundae and it can be either a celebration sundae or a consolation sundae. Either way you will have ice cream." Every time I look at you, I am startled at how beautiful you are, Love. I am really glad you are okay with the change.