Log:Can A Turbo Outpace The Pain
(Alternate title: The Twelfth Of Never)
You ask me how much I need you
Must I explain
I need you oh my darling
Like roses need rain
That went all wrong. Cash always wondered what would happen if he was pushed hard enough. And now he knows. The downside of trying to understand people. You can cut them too. Deep. And that is what Cash did. He slipped the knife between Hector's ribs and twisted. "What a wretched excuse for a human I make. Less than human. It’s not fair, to be fair. You can’t give your whole heart and soul to a person and think you’d get in back, intact after the end. I am that fucking stupid."
He races down the lonely road, V6 wide open, windows down. He shrugs off his leather jacket and ditches his sweater. He’s cold now in just the undershirt but he is holding on to a thin hope that he would just freeze and die. Or maybe he’ll wrap the Buick around a tree but he won’t survive like Jade.
And what he did to Spear? Innocent, sweet, lovable, happy Spear. Over what? Nothing. Less than nothing. He doesn't hear the cry he makes, the wail of pain, of wishing to just go back in time. Just once. Fix it all.
The skidmarks Cash leaves in the pavement will make someone wonder what happened. A teenage boy had to stop to vomit up his Mountain Dew by the light of the car’s headlamps. This area is dark, the other side of town from home. He scrambles to find the stolen pin in his pocket. The pink triangle. He can remember the first time he saw it. The first time he admired it. The first time he put a face with the pin and he starts dry heaving all over again.
"I should be a monk.” He says as he calms. "Take some vows and pray all day. Forget about this fucking shit." He sits down behind the wheel again. He looks at the little pink triangle and with trembling fingers, flips down his sun visor. He pins it beside the mirror. “Can’t see the sun without thinking of you, Hector. Fair enough punishment for now. We’ll never be square though. You don’t get to treat people like that and get away with it.” He is talking to the pink triangle pin now. "The world is unfair enough as is before y-you get to come along and--"
He stops himself, only because he’s choking on his own sobs. He did this before, wept his insides out. After he came home, he went to his music teacher’s house and laid on her lap until he couldn’t cry anymore. And he said he was finished then. He didn’t even cry when Hector show up in town. He doesn’t even remember that whole week clearly though, so drowned in emotions and empathy. Feelings felt ten times more than others, it seemed. Misery in recursive.
Cash peers into the mirror and find bloodshot eyes. They fall on the pin again. "What was that other song? Our first dance on our wedding day? Oh! I remember." Cash says, eyes wide and dreamy. "I have an appointment early. You can go with me there. So, let’s go home and I’ll sing to you. You like when I sing to you..."
You ask how long I'll love you
I'll tell you true
Until the twelfth of never
I'll still be loving you